Surviving Post-divorce: a Guide for Women

Posted by divorced

April 30, 2008

James Walsh asked:

It is important to understand that a divorce is a relationship gone wrong, nothing more or nothing less. While there will be negative consequences, there will be positive outcomes too. Women possibly have a harder time with divorce than men, because there is a greater stigma attached.

Coping with Change

The hardest part for a woman after divorce is, probably, the end of the “happily ever after” that she grew up dreaming about. Oftentimes, a woman will overlook obvious flaws in the marriage, just to hold on to that dream. Therefore, when a woman finally gives up and decides to get divorced, she is emotionally drained. She feels vulnerable and does not know what the future holds in store.

The biggest thing to contend with post-divorce is to let go of an old way of life. One becomes habituated to living as part of a couple and sharing a home. To start living alone again can be extremely disconcerting. Some women move back to their parental homes, while others want space and prefer to strike out on their own. In either case, it is important that a woman does not alienate her loved ones. It is at times like this that it is important to have a support system and not become reclusive.

Friends and family offer a semblance of consistency, when one is coping with change. Without this, it is easy to be thrown off balance completely and not be able to pick up the pieces. Coping with change also requires being open to new opportunities and not comparing everything to a past relationship.

Starting a New Life

If everything about a marriage was fantastic, a couple would not part. Divorces occur because two people are not happy together anymore. Therefore, it makes sense to believe that the future will only be better. For a woman to start a new life after divorce, it is important that she be financially independent. Economic independence helps to regain confidence and have a choice in the future one wants. It may not be possible to have a successful career overnight but opportunities have never been better.

It is important to seek financial advice and use any divorce settlement wisely. Most important should be having a secure roof over one’s head. A house is a good investment to help start a new life. If a woman has custody of children, their schooling expenses and other needs have to be sorted out. While the possibility of meeting someone new and sharing a life with them is high, it is best that a woman plans to secure herself independently.

Starting a new life also means dealing with the emotional baggage post-divorce. Taking up new interests and enjoying the single life again is a great way to deal with emotional stress. Travelling to new places opens up the mind and opportunities. Many women neglect themselves during marriage and post-divorce is a great time to feel attractive again. Joining a gym and investing in a new wardrobe will give a woman a sense of confidence.

Dealing with Children

A woman has to be strong not just for herself but also for her children. Children are left feeling devastated and lost when their parents divorce. Hard as it is for a couple, they need to be positive for the sake of their children. A woman should plan carefully for the future of the children and ensure that they are provided for in every way. Any child maintenance from an ex-husband should be used judiciously and for their well being.

A woman should keep any negative feelings for an ex-spouse away from the children. They should always be made to feel that both parents still care for them. If a woman feels like she just cannot cope emotionally, counselling can help a great deal. There are even counsellors for children, who can help them come to terms with parents’ divorcing.

Conclusion

In the earlier days, it was far more difficult for women to deal with life after divorce. She would be judged, condemned and would have had to live with a social stigma. However, modern women more often than not, are independent and confident. While divorce is always an unhappy situation, it definitely is easier to cope and move on now than ever before.

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