Trying to talk with a divorce attorney can be a difficult job. This is complicated by the mixed emotions boiling over due to stress and your worries about the probable financial distress that will ensue. If you have children, then the agony is doubled seeing that the normal flow of their lives will definitely be affected once the divorce is finished. This is exactly the reason why choosing the right and competent divorce attorney is not something to be taken lightly. To minimize the stress that comes along with the legal proceeding, it is necessary to pick the best lawyer among the lot and this requires interviewing at least three to five attorneys within your area. And while you may have a lot of legal questions prepared, the gist of everything will come in the form of two important aspects money and experience. The first question you may want to shoot is one that concerns money. As everyone knows, the proceedings involved in a typical divorce case can be costly. More than determining your share the conjugal property you and your spouse both own, financial matters extend to the cost of working out childrens support, other necessary expenses such as hiring private detectives or psychologists, and of course the professional fees of the lawyer youll be hiring. A typical divorce attorney Los Angeles has will refrain from giving you a rundown of the total cost of your divorce litigation. You can, however, ask for a rough estimate of the financial matters involved. Generally, lawyers will consider the depth of your divorce case whether it can be settled without resorting to court litigation or not, whether you have children or not, and what are the causes and grounds fot the divorce. As such, you may be able to discuss the structure of the fees of the divorce lawyer Los Angeles has and see whether he charges on a daily, hourly, or per-minute basis. You may likewise ask whether the legal fee will tend to increase once the case is carried to the higher courts or whether there are other incidental financial obligations to be incurred such as tax implications. Hand in hand with the cost will be the experience of your chosen divorce attorney Los Angeles has. Verify if they specialize in cases such as divorce, child custody, and alimony matters or if they simply have a general background on the law concerned. Definitely, it is always better to seek the legal assistance of a legal specialist in divorce law as he will be more likely proficient and competent once he handles your case.

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How do your kids feel about your divorce? Do they see it as a good thing for the family? Do they blame themselves for what went wrong? The answers to these questions depend on the kids and the situation.

A child who has been exposed to a lot of arguments and violence may be happy to see the abusive parent leave. She may love the abuser, and worry about him after he's gone, but not being awakened in the middle of the night to screaming, and not being hit for no reason is a good thing. Kids don't like pain and stress anymore than the next guy.

A child whose parents are "unhappy" or "bored" with each other may not be as content or relieved to see the family dissolve. Adult "unhappiness" is a concept most kids can't grasp. Sure, they do know what it means to be discontent. Teachers and other kids make them feel that way all the time. However, a long term disappointment felt by an adult for adult reasons is simply beyond the child's experience.

The question is whether kids feel guilty, or like they did something wrong when Mom and Dad split up. Some kids might, because of the way their parents handle the break up. However, absent a parent's intervention, why would a child feel like they did something wrong when the parents split up anymore than he / she feels bad when the car breaks down or the TV goes on the blink? A self respecting, normal child will avoid accepting responsibility for things he does do wrong, let alone blame himself for some abstract adult event.

Children may not feel guilty about their parents split, so much as they feel helpless. They aren't consulted, or even warned that a divorce is coming many times. Strangers in the form of judges and lawyers are suddenly deciding things for them that Mom and Dad used to control. The kids don't necessarily meet these people. Instead, they have to accept how some abstract, faceless adults arbitrarily force them to live their lives. Decisions are handed down to them by people whose existence they haven't even varified with their own eyes a lot of the time.

Rarely are children allowed to express their feelings about the situation. When they are asked, certain answers are expected, and rather than take the chance of being wrong, they are inclined to say what they sense the adult wants to hear. After all, their teachers have trained them to believe there are wrong or right answers, and the last thing a kid wants to do is attract disapproval, especially since punishment often follows. Adults consider kids too young to have a valid opinion of what foods are good for them, let alone where they would be better off. Thus, they have no input in a scarey situation, not because they don't have feelings, but because they have no safe place to express them.

It wouldn't be good to leave custody decisions up to children. Their choices would too often be coerced by circumstances. The parent who gives the most gifts may seem like the one who loves more at the time the decision is made, no matter the parent's true history with the child.

There are also many other ways to wrongly influence a child. Kids assume adults know a lot more than they do. The adult who is recognized as an authority, such as a parent or teacher would certainly have credibility in a child's world. It is too easy for a parent to manipulate what the child says for her statements to be a reliable indicater of her needs.

Parents often take advantage of the child's trust by focusing on what that parent believes is the other parent's shortcomings. The result is that the child joins in blaming the other parent just so he'll feel protected and approved of by someone. The truth or the exaggeration of the reporting parent's observations are not something a child can readily understand. Again, it is a kid's inexperience with the world and its ways that hamper his ability to see through a grown-up person's motives for lying, stretching the truth, or even seeing a given situation in an unfair or unbalanced way.

Children need to have a forum to air their views in a divorce. What they say may not be deep, or even useful, but it may help them adjust to the inevitable changes they are about to experience. They need to know that someone hears their concerns, and will listen to what they have to say. They need to feel safe asking the kind of questions that may make parents feel stupid, or uncomfortable. They are entitled to honest, age appropriate answers, too.

No child should have control over the family's fortunes. Kids just don't have the experience to decide whether it is in Mom and Dad's best interest to stay together, or to understand the many decisions about their welfare that must be made in a divorce. However, even though they can't row the boat, they should have life jackets, and should be taught how to swim so that they are not drowned in their family's disfunctions.

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Going through a trial is seldom a good idea, particularly with regard to women and divorce. Financially, men usually have the upper hand since they are traditionally the bread-winners and, as such, they usually get paid more. That gives them more buying power to hire the better lawyer; if the case goes to trial, a wife in this sort of situation usually finds herself headed toward financial ruin. For this reason, life after a divorce trial can be even harder than it was before.

Here is a little divorce advice that will make coping with divorce less difficult: spare yourself and your children the headache?mediate.

Mediation gives both parties the power to negotiate alimony, child support, custody and an equitable division of assets and liabilities. In this way, you can use any divorce information you acquire to increase your negotiating power.

When trying to negotiate a good divorce settlement, keep the following in mind:

When you are not satisfied with any of your spouse?s terms, prepare a logical rebuttal, rather than get defensive and emotional. By all means, speak up!

Be willing to try and consider your soon-to-be-estranged spouse?s wellbeing.

If things get ugly, remember that a change in your approach (yes, it?s hard) can turn things around 180 degrees.

Just do your best to avoid having the case go to trial. The benefits of mediating your own agreement include keeping your marital problems confidential, sparing yourself of open court proceedings and the related costs, speeding up the process and not to mention helping to make it all easier on the kids.

]]> http://divorce-settlement.net/Negotiating-a-Good-Divorce-Settlement/feed 0 http://divorce-settlement.net/Preparing-for-Divorce-Court http://divorce-settlement.net/Preparing-for-Divorce-Court#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 17:56:25 +0000 divorced ?p=409 Although it is highly preferable to arrive at a legal separation agreement or divorce settlement through some form of mediation, there are times when a couple cannot reach an agreement and the case simply must go to trial.

If you decide to have a trial, you must first fully realize that it is unlikely to be an easy divorce. Additionally, with lawyer?s fees on the rise, say goodbye to the idea of having a low cost divorce and to thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money. Be prepared to postpone your life after divorce for another year, and possibly longer. In some states, judges have been known to take more than a year to even assign a court date.

The following divorce advice may help you know what to expect when you take your case to divorce court:

Remember that a divorce trial is public. Be on time and try to behave with dignity. Resist the temptation to get angry and emotional.

Be honest with your lawyer and with the court. Knowing that you are acting with full integrity will give you confidence when making your appeals

Work with your lawyer as a team to create a winning strategy.

Join a support group. Doing this will help you to work out the emotional stuff outside of the courtroom and outside of your lawyer?s consultation time.

Dress conservatively. Keep your appearance well-groomed, simple and light. Avoid extravagance.

Speak clearly and audibly. If your words cannot be heard by everyone in the courtroom, you may be asked to repeat what you said.

Coping with divorce is often more difficult for those who need to have a trial. If there is still a possibility for mediation, do your best to work with your spouse and with both of your attorneys. At best, the professionals that you and your spouse hired are trying to offer their best divorce help to all concerned.

]]> http://divorce-settlement.net/Preparing-for-Divorce-Court/feed 0 http://divorce-settlement.net/Divorce-and-Hidden-Assets http://divorce-settlement.net/Divorce-and-Hidden-Assets#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 17:56:25 +0000 divorced ?p=410 Not surprisingly, assets are often hidden in a divorce situation. Why - well simply greed, or the feelings of betrayal or anger at the need to divide assets in the divorce, or the fear of not having enough after the divorce all motivate the behavior of hiding assets.

In divorce, the parties assets are divided. Under the divorce laws of some states they are divided equally and under the divorce laws of other states, they are divided "equitably" or fairly. Equitably often means equally to overworked divorce judges.

There is no way to know in advance if your spouse has or will hide assets in a divorce. You know your spouse better than your divorce attorney will and you will need to alert your attorney to the possibility of your psouse hiding assets. Before you get to that point, however, there are some easy steps to take to prevent your spouse from being able to hide assets. Those steps include finding out everything you can about your assets before divorce.

Before you alert your spouse that you are considering divorce, you need to complile and/or stockpile documentation about all of your assets. If you do not have knowledge of your marital assets, it is time to find out what is there. If bank and other statements come to the house, open them and write down account numbers and balances.

If you have access to the cancelled checks, copy those as well. It is not unusual for a spouse who is planning a divorce to transfer money to friends or relatives with the plan being that they will give that money back after a divorce is finalized. So, you should review those records and carefully scrutinize all large or suspicious transfers that take place in the two or three years prior to or just after the filing of a divorce action.

Make sure that you know where the copies of your income tax statements are. If your spouse has a business, make sure you have a copy of several years of tax returns for that business. All of these documents can be copied and hidden safely somewhere outsided of the house in the event that you need them. Taking these simple pre-emptive steps can mean the difference in obtaining a fair settlement in divorce. It will also be incredibly helpful to your divorce attorney to have this information in advance.

If banking and other statements and financial records are not kept at or mailed to your house, you will need to obtain those records in other ways. You can contact the IRS to obtain copies of any tax returns that you signed. Request copies of those returns and have them mailed to a different address - either a friend or relative or your divorce atttorney. If there are returns that you have not signed, such as business tax records, you will not be able to obtain copies of those returns from the IRS. If you have access to your spouse's place of business, you may be able to find those tax returns there. If you are worried about your spouse hiding assets in a divorce, you really do need to find those returns and make copies of them - for as many years as possible.

If you have valuables, antiques, jewelry, art or other collectibles in your home, catalog all of them and if you have appraisals, make copies. It is not unusual for those items to disappear or even to be pawned by a spouse in need of more funds.

If you suspect that your spouse has engaged in some divorce planning and is hiding assets, let your divorce attorney know. Ask your divorce attorney to subpoena records from any other idividual or entity who could be involved in assisting your spouse in hiding those assets. If need be, your attorney can use the services of an investigator to help to obtain financial records that have been withheld.

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